In Which I Drink Too Much

Emergency Protocol Review Board, Session 137

System Record Date: 02/17/2009

Cognition begins at 04:33:17.

04:33:17 

All systems activated. ALERT. Traction system employed, equilibrium sensors report Transport Vehicle is off balance. Navigation is unsteady. Control Room reports visual impairment, employs corrective lenses. Transport Vehicle stabilized. All systems normal.

04:47:41

Waste management systems void refuse compactors from previous date, and commences cleaning cycle. All systems normal.

05:01:37

WARNING. WARNING. Fluid Retention reports fluid levels are dangerously low. System administrators advise of immediate fluid replenishment. Clear fluids required to avoid system malfunction or equipment damage. 

05:04:11

System fluid levels now adequate. Threat of damage to the Contaminant Filtration System by calcification neutralized. All systems normal.

05:18:56

ALERT. Communication problems between Fluid Retention and Control Room result in excess fluid. Fluid Retention container now full. System administrators route all excess fluids to Emergency Fluid Reserve storage. Reserve storage full to capacity. All systems normal.

05:33:09

System administrators note for system record of the expulsion of excess methane gas via exhaust at the rear of facility. Due to previous incidents (marked in Sessions 97 and 103), supervisors on site verified that all proper emission standards were met. Air Quality sensors now reporting poor oxygen levels, but is stabilizing. All systems normal.

05:34:01

Transport Vehicle leaves headquarters. Ambient temperature sensors report current temperature of 19F degrees, activates Heat Conservation Vibration system. All systems normal.

05:39:18

Control Room reports uneven terrain ahead. Transport Vehicle motion becomes unsteady. Emergency Fluid Reserve room reports concern over possible fluid leak from Vehicle's erratic motion. All systems normal.

05:40:15

Waste Management routes waste water from Contaminant Filtration Services to Fluid Retention. ALERT. Fluid Retention container full to capacity. Emergency Fluid Reserve storage full to capacity. System administrators place all systems on a Level 1 Alert. 

05:43:17 

ALERT. Due to continued uneven terrain, Level 1 Alert upgraded to Level 3 Alert. System administrators report to Control Room the need for a suitable place to dispense all waste fluids and empty the Emergency Fluid Reserve to avoid a massive fluid leak. Plumbing facility reports concern over the durability of the pipeline for such large amounts of liquid waste. Control Room responds, increases speed of Transport Vehicle towards destination.

05:47:53

WARNING. WARNING. Level 3 Alert upgraded to Level 5 Alert. All system facilities are in CODE RED lock down. All available personnel routed to Fluid Retention to help retain fluids until a proper waste site can be located. System administrators receive reports of minor leaking from the liquid waste pipeline. ALERT. ALERT. Air Quality reports build-up of methane gas; expulsion prohibited until liquid waste can be dispensed.

05:49:30

Transport Vehicle arrives at destination. Ambient temperature sensors report a sudden drop in temperature. WARNING. WARNING. Level 6 Alert enacted.CODE YELLOW. System administrators route all cognitive services to Fluid Retention and Emergency Fluid Reserve facilities. Control Room reports a waste disposal site in close proximity. Plumbing personnel alerted.

05:50:03

WARNING. WARNING. Plumbing personnel report the pressure lock on liquid waste pipeline is failing. Control Room increases speed of Transport Vehicle, alerts of arrival at waste disposal site. System administrators approve External Services to lower protective covering. Liquid waste pipeline extended.

05:50:05

Plumbing personnel release pressure lock. System administrators open Fluid Retention and Emergency Fluid Reserve tanks, and commences liquid waste disposal. Air Quality given the approval to release methane gas via exhaust at the rear of facility. 

05:56:11

Level 6 Alert dissolved; All liquid waste dispensed without incident. Fluid Retention reporting safe levels of fluid in both regular and Emergency Reserve holding tanks. Liquid waste pipeline is retrieved, and External Services raises protective covering. System administrators receives reports from Plumbing that pressure lock is sealing properly. Control Room performs diagnostic scan of all system facilities. All systems normal.

END OF RECORD

(Review Board Note: Proper emergency protocol utilized. No need for further internal review.)

In Which I Live In A Small Town

When you live in a small town, as I do in Western Maine, there are certain things that you get to experience that you wouldn't have the opportunity to see otherwise. For example:

• Where else can you see an entire family of four with the same hair style? In addition, where else can The Mullet still be considered an acceptable choice of style?
• Where else can you see women with better, fuller mustaches than men?
• Where else can you buy a quart of motor oil, a gallon of milk, rifle ammunition, and an Italian sandwich all in the same space?
• Where else would only have one gas station with two pumps, one of which is always out of order?
• Where else is new adhesive vinyl flooring and spray paint considered remodeling?
• Where else can you find a store that stocks 37 varieties of beer, but only one cooler for water and soda combined?
• Where else is camouflage clothing considered formal wear?
• Where else can you see more spelling and grammatical errors on storefront signs than on a child's first-grade writing assignment?

It is definitely an experience, and despite the small town atmosphere with not even one traffic light, I love it here. It is quiet and life just seems to run slower out here.

Anyone want to come visit?