In Which I Make Things Awkward

I accepted the fact that I am socially awkward a long time ago. There is no sense in trying to deny it, as it would be like trying to deny that gravity is what keeps us from floating off into space. Besides that, there is only so many times one can experience awkward and embarrassing social situations in pretty much every aspect of their life before realizing that the common denominator to all those situations is themselves. 

A prime example of this is what happened at the grocery store this past weekend. 

My items were on the belt at the checkout line: a four-pack of blueberry muffins, a dozen eggs, a gallon of orange juice, a cheap bottle of champagne, and a jug of store brand drain cleaner. I fully realize that one of those things really didn't belong, but outside of items for breakfast that morning, I had been forgetting to pickup the drain cleaner all week and I finally remembered. 

The cashier greeted me and started to scan my items. Everything seemed normal enough, but when she got to the drain cleaner she gave me a curious look. 

I wasn't sure what to say, so I figured I'd crack a joke.

"Ever had a mimosa with splash of Drano in it?" I asked.

Her curious expression turned to one of surprised suspicion.

"It really cleans you out," I continued.

She cast a look to her co-worker who was bagging my items at the end of the checkout lane, and then looked back at me. She laughed nervously and took a step back. 

It was then that I realized that I, a man in his  early thirties, probably shouldn't be joking about mixing alcohol and corrosive chemicals together with a cashier who probably wasn't old enough to vote in the last presidential election. 

Probably shouldn't joke about that with anyone, really. 

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Let's be embarrassed together. What socially awkward things have you done?